I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
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Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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