I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
