he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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