Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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