Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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