before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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