its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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