We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am one with the molecules
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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