i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
