Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
