I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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