my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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