Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
