Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
