3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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