Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
