i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
