at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
