First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
