ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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