Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
