I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
