I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
