when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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