She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
