I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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