are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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