people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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