she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
