ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
