Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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