There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
