Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
