No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
