Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm always down for nudity.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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