Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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