Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
