I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
