i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
