Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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