i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
