My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
