youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
