The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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