Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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