he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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