He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
