dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
dude. I can hear the air.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
