I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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