What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
