we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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