even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
there is puke in my bra ... again
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize