Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
