ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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