Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
