this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
