i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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