Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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