LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
