if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My ATM looks so different sober.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
