My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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