As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
