Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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