well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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