the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
