I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
