He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
