This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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