NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
