what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
