when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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