how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
