I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
