Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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