you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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