I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
